I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
