Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
