She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
