My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize