There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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