I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
