the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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