hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
