we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
