C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
