he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
