it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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