and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize