she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
