My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
