decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
