I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
