med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
