how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want to be your penis for a week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
