Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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