Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
