I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
