i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize