I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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