Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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