I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
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nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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