Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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