she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize