If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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