she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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