I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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