Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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