saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
