I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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