Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
