saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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