id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
