i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
