I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
