This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Everclear isn't food dammit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
