her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
