this boner is exhausting
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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