Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
