I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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