this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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