Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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