So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
