Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
