I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
