I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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