everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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