Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize