At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
