Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
