I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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