we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
