I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The beer is more important than you right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
