so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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