i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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