So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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