is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
