I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
