with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
