I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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