You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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